A study that was reported in the Washington Post indicated a high percentage of straight unmarried couples tend to break up within the first year. Relationships fail because people remain in denial with themselves regarding what they can and can’t tolerate in that particular coupling. Every relationship generally goes through a three-panel conclusion that helps you determine if you want to be with your partner for the long term, or not.
I’m not talking about those 5 Cs that plague the existence of every man in Singapore: credit card, condo, cash, car and country club membership. Who came up with those ridiculous prerequisites anyway? It’s time for believers to remove the minting plates over their eyes. The demand for materialism eventually leads to a sinkhole, because superficial wants tend to give a stranglehold to any affection that occurs naturally to matching personalities. The 5 Cs that I’m referring to, actually go towards improving the interpersonal connection you have between you and your loved one. These 5 big ones are the checkup, the confession, conquering of fears, complimentary behaviour and canoodling. Allow me to explain.
When it comes to sex, men are more straight forward about it. They want to get it on at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it. They just want to “do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”. It sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Why can’t we women have the same strength in desires and fulfil them as easily? A Florida State University expert surveyed the sex drives of men and women and intimated that women’s libidos are more “fluid”, meaning their desires are more sensitive to nuances in their environment and context. So you aren't getting enough of bed-minton, we know just how to raise the activity levels in your weekly agenda!
The dynamics of a healthy relationship work best when each partner maintains an open intent about loving themselves and each other. Though not all days are sunshine and rainbows, each union feels natural, teasing, having mutual contentment but never having to feel overextended by any one party to please the other. In the extended theory for Maslow's hierarchy of needs, he included his observations of humans' innate curiosity beyond their basic needs. He termed them “physiological”, “safety”, “love and belonging”, "esteem”, and “self-actualisation”. These are the stages human beings are generally motivated to move through.
So a certain pairing has been decisively concluded this time. Not to make light of a situation that may have been very dear to you, but an ending is an ending. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects that led to the demise of this relationship, moving forward is the next logical step. It’s easier said than done, that’s true, but however difficult it will be, moving forward helps us heal and face the unknown future. To start to heal, we first need to pinpoint the reasons or hurdles that are in the way of your recovery.
Here’s a buzzword to carry you through any foreign experience: openness. An open mind lays your way to new discoveries. So decide today you will open yourself up a little and meet one stranger per outing. When I say stranger, I don't mean jump the next casual stroller at the intersection. It can be someone you haven't been formally introduced to through your current network of family, friends and colleagues. Perhaps you’ve been invited to regular media gatherings and have not attended one yet? Get with the programme and gift your smiles to likeminded individuals.
Let’s be realistic about dating conversation. There’s no perfect conversation when getting to know one another. We believe the magic happens on every journey. The little pauses, the nervous laughter and a mutual chat momentum that ultimately helps both of you find relaxation in each other’s company.
Experts say that people form their first impressions of you in just 3 seconds. Of course, one of the first things that immediately grabs someone’s attention is your outlook. How you visually represent yourself speaks volumes, in those precious seconds counting down to a first impression.
Every moment is fleeting. Within moments of a meeting, people make up their minds about you, from societal status to intelligence. The ability that enables people to find patterns in behaviour, appearance, speech, etc is called “thin slicing”. This particular concept was made popular by best-selling author Malcom Gladwell in his book, Blink.
Have you wondered if you’ve made a positive impact on certain so-and-so’s you chanced on meeting along the way? Well, we are here to blow those uncertainties away. You do have some control over how you can enhance those thin slices of perceptions about you, and we are here to dish out the good stuff.
Ready to find real love? Our CEO Joanne Ng talks to the Rojak Daily about making it happen.
First Classe Malaysia interviewed Joanne about her journey into matchmaking & running Datesmith.