Nobody is a perfect 10. All things considered from one adult to another, if there are still some issues that threaten your sanity, it’s better to lay it all out than to sweep them under the rug and await that imminent explosion. Read on for the top 3 grouses between spouses and the do’s and don’t’s that can make or break your relationship.
The elephant in the room
The two of you have attained the nirvana level of comfort with each other, and in doing so, he has somewhat let himself melt into a horizontally challenged position. You’re worried, and although you’ve have let it slide a couple of times, you realise it’s time to nip it in the bud.
DON’T resort to name-calling like “fatty bom bom” or “fei zai” - fat boy in cantonese - to shame him into eating less. It may be affectionate on your part, but shaming can inculcate deep seated feelings of poor self-worth, and that is never a good foundation to embark on healthy and long-lasting changes. No making boom noises when they walk across the room, too.
DO reassure your partner that you love them just as they are, but you are worried about their health. Treat them with respect and concern, and they will open up to you for suggestions when they are ready for it.
She’s a Messy Bessie
One’s practical and organised to the teeth, and the other has her worldly belongings spread out all over the house like a Sunday garage sale. You are clinging onto your patience with your fingertips and want to let her know in a firm but nice manner that she needs to clean up her act.
DON’T use negative adjectives when pointing out the disorganisation. Words are harmful, and calling her a homeless Karang Guni or World’s Untidiest Human certainly won’t make her more amenable to your request. As they say, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. The only way forward is to move past what is done, and to pick up the pieces together.
DO share your concerns lightly in a way that doesn’t offend. E.g. “Let me help you clear this space so that our friends can sit here” or “I read a fengshui article about home spaces and that having a smooth flow throughout the home generally introduces better prosperity.” Or health. Or luck. Know your audience, and use whichever is more likely to convince her to embark on this new “project”.
Fighting over who’s the Alpha and the “Beta”
There are no clear winners in an argument, for it’s comparable to a physical fight. One doesn’t win unless the other goes down. The important thing to understand is the person gaining the upper hand puts the other on a lower pedestal in a relationship. Not a good feeling to leave hanging in the air, me thinks.
DON’T bring up past mistakes and throw them in the face of a current and unrelated issue. That only serves to hurt, and being vindictive isn’t attractive at all. Winning isn’t everything, unless you’re Usain Bolt and your reputation is on the line.
DO take a step back and assess the situation at hand. Are other factors at play here? Would it be possible that you may be offended at the situation and not your partner? Relationship require hard work in difficult situations. Acknowledge the value of your pairing and what’s really at stake, and chances are, you’ll do the right thing.
No problem is ever too trivial, too silly, or too embarrassing to discuss with an expert - behind closed doors. Date coaching is about bringing back your confidence in matters that you thought you couldn’t resolve. Our recommendation? Never add fuel to a raging fire! Neutralise the situation in a private setting and at a time where your loved one is more likely to be open to the conversation. Don’t tell them what to do, instead, make suggestions that will eventually lead them towards better lifestyle choices. The best way to show them your love is to support and respect them.
P.s. Got a couple conundrum you can’t resolve? Tell it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org